I don't know what I'm doing.
See the full footage here: Winston (kitty) takes care of Zeke (puppy)
"Zeke just got home from the vet — being allergic to certain grasses, he broke out in hives and they gave him steroid and benadryl shots. This is Winston, loving and taking care of him"
A cats purr vibrates at a frequency that promotes bone health and aids in healing. So the kitty is probably trying to purr him better.
I think about dying but I dont want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it.
I don’t want to be sixty and regret the things I didn’t do, but most days I can’t even get out of bed
A 79 year old man will go to bed tonight alone, despite his 55 years of marriage.
That’s not waking up in the middle of the night and wishing your ex-girlfriend could be in your arms one more time,
that’s waking up in the middle of the night and knowing that the body that was next to yours for more than three-quarters of your life is 6 feet underground, and will never be in your arms again.
The last time he blew out the candles on his cake without her “happy birthday” song to cheer him on was before his twenties.
But today, her voice wasn’t there to fill the silence, and all he was left with was smoke and a wish that can never come true.
Death is inevitable, this much I know.
Yet it doesn’t seem fair that a marriage on the verge of hitting it’s next decade ends with a grieving man regretfully patting his wife’s casket, as he walks by for one last look.
One last memory.
It’s sad, really, because the greatest love a person can have ultimately validates “til death do us part,” and one is left without the other, feeling like the best parts of himself died the same moment she did.
However, this lifelong love was not in vain.
Though he comes home to an empty house, and sets the table for one, at the end of the day when he sits in his recliner and watches television by himself in the midst of his heartache, he somehow feels lucky.
He was able to love her.
The memories of their romance play like a movie reel in his mind, and he smiles through his tears.
He wasn’t ready for her to go, but he knows he’s the luckiest man on Earth, because she was his.
He has no regrets.
From the first day he saw her, he knew he needed to love her, and that’s what he’s done every day since.
Not to say it’s been easy, but to say it’s been worth it.
He fought through doubts, he faced his fears, he battled through pain, because she was worth any obstacle he found himself up against.
He can look back on his life with her and know he was the happiest he could possibly be, with the woman who was the center of his universe,
and you’re a 21 year old boy, too scared to give yourself that same chance.
He was never with another woman, praying it was her instead; he never settled for less.
He prospered in love, and for that, their lives were not wasted.
If you look back on the past 6 months and ache from the times you said “I love you” to the wrong person, imagine how you’ll feel when you, too, are a 79 year old man, having shared your life with a woman you always knew was second best, because you were too afraid to let yourself have it all, in fear it may be lost.
If there’s one thing this man would tell you, it would be this:
To love another with your entire heart is a privilege, and it should be embraced.
Do not run from what is real, because someday you’ll want to do nothing but run back to it.
So choose wisely, not safely.
Choose to be the man in the recliner who reflects on his fortune of having her by his side for as long as he did, simply wishing for more time,
as opposed to being the coward who regrets his days spent without her, wishing instead to go back in time.